Invisible

I feel invisible. I feel like this kid from Cheaper by the Dozen -->
But even if I had red hair I would not be noticed.
I feel like singing 'Mr Cellophane,' but no one would hear me.
I feel like not talking and seeing how long it takes for someone to notice me and talk to me. But it could be days and I would just break down in tears. I don't want to cry and look broken.  This is how it is for me when I become depressed.
But worst of all I feel invisible to myself. I think I've lost myself. And that is what scares me the most. That is the real reason why I won't stop talking. So I don't forget that I have a voice. That is why I write on here. Because it makes me feel like someone is listening. Even if it just God. But you know what God's message was to me this morning when I read my devotional? It was to not be selfish.
Did I get mad? no.
Did I shut the book and ignore it? no.
I listened and decided that maybe.
just maybe I am being selfish.
Maybe I should really listen to what others have to say and care more about them.
But then again I once heard that if you don't take care of yourself first than how can you care for those around you? So I come to the point in my thoughts of confusion. I don't know what to do. I don't know any more. And now I'm scared that I don't know who I am. I feel lost and I want my Heavenly Father to come and wrap his arms around me and reassure me that everything is going to be ok.





And He does. I am calm and I'm reassured. It doesn't matter any more where I am. Because I am found in Christ. He is my identity. Broken but loved! I rejoice then through tears that someone loves me for everything that I am worth. I rejoice because someone cares for me when I'm broken. He picks me up like a child. And never lets me go. Unfortunately I am the one who lets Him go sometimes. But He accepts me again and forgives me every time I do this.

Thoughts on thoughts

Do you ever find yourself daydreaming and then you realise that you are just thinking about something? And then you think to yourself how amazing and awe-inspiring thoughts are? And then you start thinking about thoughts and then you realise that you are talking to someone and that someone is you...and then you decide that talking to yourself isn't so bad and certainly isn't a sign of craziness because the only person in the world who understands you better than anyone else is... yourself! So you continue to talk to yourself in your own silent world...and then someone rudely interrupts as if they didn't see that you were having a conversation with yourself and asks; "What are you thinking?" and then you foolishly smile to yourself and reply, "nothing." When in fact you were thinking about something but you aren't going to respond with "I was just talking to myself about my thoughts" because then of course that person is going to think you are crazy! See! There it is...that's why people think that talking to yourself is a sign of craziness...but honestly it isn't! How can it be? You were just talking about things with someone who understands you!  Who cares if that someone was you?
Honestly, I talk to myself quite regularly but if I didn't talk to myself and had these conversations with other people there would be quite a few absurd conversations going on...That's why I keep them to myself and act normal...hmmm perhaps I am crazy after all. Or just a tad crazy...but don't worry everyone...I'm perfectly harmless. Or am I?

Puzzles and Frozen (I wish) Yoghurt

Does the title puzzle you? lol well luckily I'm the sort who links the title into their post. The reason why I mentioned puzzles is because on Wednesday was Nathan and my first anniversary of being together as boyfriend and girlfriend! And as his present to me I recieved a puzzle. Along with Scrabble, Scattergories, Bananagrams and other intellectually challenging games I love puzzles. And if you wanted to buy me a puzzle you would have to know me real well or either read this post and dually note the kind of puzzles I like, because I'm picky when it comes to puzzles. This is part of the reason why Nathan took me to the store to buy the puzzle instead of choosing one out by himself. You see, I like puzzles that ensure that every piece of the puzzle will be different, so that means no large expanses of blue sky or sea or grass or any other monotonous picture. The puzzle that Nathan and I chose in the end is an Ancient map of the mythical lands; hence it's called Atlantis. I love this puzzle because each piece has a unique clue on it as to where it is to be placed. However, it also gives that bit of a challenge that I enjoy too. The next best thing is a puzzle depicting one of my favourite places (Italy, Greece or Ireland). But then again...I can also like anything that just pleases my eye...*sigh* I now understand why it is so difficult for Nathan to choose my gifts.
Now about the Frozen yoghurt...or at least I wish I had frozen yoghurt. Mum bought mini tubs of yoghurt (a rarity in our house) and we got two each. I love...no... I LOVE YOGHURT...even better if it is frozen! But because I'm so impatient I had to eat my tubs of yoghurt and not wait the extra hours of freezing for a better treat. So I'm disappointed in myself for being impatient and not waiting for my favourite treat. But at least I had yummy yoghurt eh? So the moral of this post is: If you don't know what to get me as a gift, especially if you can't decide on a puzzle that I will like just buy me frozen yoghurt!

The tale of Two cities...or six country towns...

Last week I got the opportunity to travel out west to visit some country towns, in order for 20 or so pre-service teachers to get a taste of what it is like to teach in such places.I had a great week except I came back sick. Because I don't know what to say really I'll just share the best of my photos from the week...which isn't many cause I kept forgetting to take photos. Although it looks like I didn't go to any schools...I did go to quite a few...I just chose not to share those photos. I think perhaps my favourite school was at Miles.

Where we stayed. They stole my wooly socks. :(

 While driving to somewhere we came across a house on the road...it took up the entire road so people coming in the opposite direction had to pull over and wait until it had passed.

 This is my favourite photo I took...can you believe I took it while on the bus and moving?

 Loved the little churches out west and also love the bottle trees...this combines both! This was at Wallumbilla.

Practised photography skills while out there...another of my favourites that I took.

AFLness part two

I got to go to my first AFL live game recently. I have chosen my team and the game was between my team (Goldcoast Suns) and my boyfriend's team (Sucky Sydney Swans)....however they weren't so sucky in the game...cough cough thewon. Bu altogether it was a fantastic experience and I can easily see myself becoming a huge fan! I even bought my first piece of paraphernalia...a Sun's scarf...mostly cause I was cold...but I also wanted one!

Me and Nathan at the football...you can tell who is the most interested in the game...it hadn't even started yet...the players were just running and exercising!

Apparently this is the moment when Gary Ablett (the suns) did his knee in the game.

This guy was probably the loudest and most obnoxious Swans supporter at the game...he got quite annoying.

Where women belong

So everyone's heard the many million of jokes involving women and how they belong in kitchens. Well I'm over them. I'm facing facts and the fact is that I'm proud to be a woman who enjoys being in the kitchen. Because in the kitchen I feel in control and I feel creative. Cooking is something I can do and I love to do. And if it's a way to show my love to my family, boyfriend and friends then I'm going to do it. So go ahead and make jokes I don't care...I'll most likely join in and laugh. The only thing I ask is if you are going to enjoy my cooking you had better help with the washing up afterwards. : P
What brought this topic up...yesterday I was talking to Nathan and I mentioned that I might go bake something cause I was bored and then I said 'Why does my boredom usually lead me to the kitchen?' So I went and baked a cake but this was no ordinary cake. It is what my siblings and I call a playdough cake...it's our own take on the traditional marble cake.

My mum won't go anywhere near these cakes...apparently they are too bright...which makes them inedible? I love them cause they look so funky and they taste yummy!

Roses are red, Violets are blue...and flowers have power.

So today's topic...FLOWERS! If you noticed the roses that were in that vase in one of the photos I posted two posts ago you would have noticed some beautiful white roses with pink stripes on them.

These roses revived my love for all flowers...lately all I've ever wanted is Water lillies
...they still are my favourite...but...uh let's just say they are a little difficult to get a hold on for a wedding bouquet. So when I saw these beautiful stems I fell in love with roses and in particular unique ones. I went researching and found there are a heap of different varieties of striped roses but I think my favourite (I think...I haven't been able to see all the varieties yet) is called Berries n' Cream. They are gorgeous! So other flowers I love are:

Freesias- make me happy and I love the scent of them.

Poppies - they look so simple but beautiful...I've never actually held a real one...I don't think, so I don't know about the scent of them.

Peonies - these just look all feminine and dainty...just what I love!  

Spathiphyllum or Hope Lily - This is my one and only houseplant that has survived...ever. I love it cause it is simple and beautiful in its long stalk and one petal. 

So those are a few of the many flowers that I love...perhaps the top 6. I think flowers can express many feelings and they are all beautiful. God created them for us humans to enjoy and I am going to enjoy them for the rest of my life!

In light of...

so in light of my previous post I wanted to mention that I love photography and if I had time and money I would invest in a course to teach me how to take awesome and beautiful photos...but for now I'm just going to give it a go and teach myself. I think photography is the only way I can be truly artistic and also be successful.

Chalk and Cheese

So I've bought a new camera...I reckon it's pretty fancy...it has a screen on the front so you can take the perfect shot of yourself and your friends. It's a Samsung PL101...
and I've been going a bit crazy with it. The reason I thought I needed a camera was because 1. I'm old enough to buy one for myself and take care of it and 2. I'm going to be a teacher and my lecturers and tutors are always telling us we need one...also I'm going on a trip soon and neither my sister or my parents would allow me to borrow theirs. So equipped with my new camera I would like to share my past few days with you via pictures I took. My sister and I went shopping on Thursday (I bought PL101 (my camera...I'm determined to make it sound like I have a droid from Star Wars) on Wednesday) and here is my wonderful sister and I sporting her two new hats...aren't they adorable?

This week I spent three nights with my sister while she is house-sitting and I cooked a meal and made it all fancy-like. I loved the way the candle-light (from my new candle from dusk) played through the glass of my new vase (also from dusk...$3 bargain!).

Then on Friday we went down to a national park and had lunch near the waterfall. It was on this picnic of sorts that we decided that we were going to nickname each other from the old saying 'those two are like chalk and cheese'. She's cheese, I'm chalk...suits perfectly cause she LOVES cheese and I'm going to be a primary school teacher.

I got home today and I started feeling creative and creative towards my room. I have this small area of wall above a desk in my room (I have two desks, one for sewing and laptop and one for piling everything else on.) and I have a jewellery rack on it...I already had some things up but I started pulling down and adding to it. I kind of was making it everything that I liked. My sister walked in near the end and looked at it and I asked what she thought. She said it is very Maija. I asked what she meant and she said that what I had done was called a 'book', an artist's expression of themselves on a wall. So pretty much everything I had put up on the wall represented something meaningful to me. And it was true. So here is my masterpiece...I couldn't keep it all up there cause some of it belonged in other parts of my room and knowing me everything has a place and purpose. I think I could have kept adding but I didn't have enough blu-tac and room.

If you have any questions about what means what just post it in a comment and I'll answer. But for those who know me well enough you should be able to guess the meaning of the things. Peace out...this has been my past few days! God Bless! (PS something happened to a few of the photos with the bottoms of the shots...I think it's cause I flipped them the right way and it didn't do it properly...but you can see the important parts of the photos.)