Invisible

I feel invisible. I feel like this kid from Cheaper by the Dozen -->
But even if I had red hair I would not be noticed.
I feel like singing 'Mr Cellophane,' but no one would hear me.
I feel like not talking and seeing how long it takes for someone to notice me and talk to me. But it could be days and I would just break down in tears. I don't want to cry and look broken.  This is how it is for me when I become depressed.
But worst of all I feel invisible to myself. I think I've lost myself. And that is what scares me the most. That is the real reason why I won't stop talking. So I don't forget that I have a voice. That is why I write on here. Because it makes me feel like someone is listening. Even if it just God. But you know what God's message was to me this morning when I read my devotional? It was to not be selfish.
Did I get mad? no.
Did I shut the book and ignore it? no.
I listened and decided that maybe.
just maybe I am being selfish.
Maybe I should really listen to what others have to say and care more about them.
But then again I once heard that if you don't take care of yourself first than how can you care for those around you? So I come to the point in my thoughts of confusion. I don't know what to do. I don't know any more. And now I'm scared that I don't know who I am. I feel lost and I want my Heavenly Father to come and wrap his arms around me and reassure me that everything is going to be ok.





And He does. I am calm and I'm reassured. It doesn't matter any more where I am. Because I am found in Christ. He is my identity. Broken but loved! I rejoice then through tears that someone loves me for everything that I am worth. I rejoice because someone cares for me when I'm broken. He picks me up like a child. And never lets me go. Unfortunately I am the one who lets Him go sometimes. But He accepts me again and forgives me every time I do this.